Breaking up is hard to do. Most couples would rather stay in a relationship than deal with breaking up, moving on, and dating again. While the chance of meeting someone new and dating can have its thrills, it can also be heart breaking and overwhelming. During a relationship, we give our time, money, and most importantly, our hearts. These emotions and commitments are more valuable that we often give them credit for – and it’s not that easy to get them back.
Breaking up requires a lot of effort. However, it’s important to take a look at your relationship as a whole and recognize if things aren’t going right, it may be time to move on. Is the relationship causing more harm than good? Let’s look at some things that might help determine if you should break up or make up.
Talk about your childhood: If you’re always fighting, it might be time to see if there’s something in your subconscious, an unresolved childhood issue that’s causing you to act out. Discuss the good, bad, and the dysfunctional. Where is the problem coming from and can you mend it? If you both discover that there’s some emotional baggage that might need to be unloaded, you’ll be able to resolve that issue and hopefully move on.
Work on one problem at a time: Chances are, if you’ve been with someone long enough, you’re bound to find something that annoys you. At first, you might be able to shake this off but over time, you might bottle it up and without knowing it, lash out on your partner. Be honest with yourself. Do you hate that she takes too long to get ready? Is she taking up too much space in your bathroom or closet? Work with your partner to make a list of the things that annoy you both. Each week, work to tackle one item on the list. You might notice that it helps relieve some tension and stress in the relationship.
Deal with your relationship deal breakers: We all have expectations when we enter a relationship.” I won’t date her if she does x, y, and z.” etc. You might also have lifestyle deal breakers like kids, where to live, and personal habits. Did you both enter a relationship fully aware of each other deal breakers and now, there’s suddenly a shift that you’re not comfortable with?
The most popular relationship deal breakers are children, work, and addictions. She might want kids and you might not be ready, or your job is changing and she doesn’t want to move with you, or either one of you have suddenly picked up a substance abuse problem that is becoming an issue. In these cases, it’s important to sit down and have an honest conversation to see if any of these problems can be resolved and worked through or if you both need to go your separate ways so that you can lead the lives you want.
Sweating the small stuff: This goes back to working on one problem at a time. Even though, you might have resolved to work on each other’s issue, some people are just negative and will refuse to change no matter what the issue may be. If you’re working on your issues, but your partner refuses to change or continues to complain, it might be time to move on.
Do you really want it to work? Last but not least, do some soul searching. Most people say, when they’re truly in love, they see a future with their partner beyond the problems. They see more than just the present and can envision being with them for the long run and perhaps, even proposing and marrying the one they’re with. If you’ve lost that feeling and no longer get excited when you see your partner, it might be time break up vs. make up but if you still see the sun, moon, and stars despite everything, it’s worth the struggle and fight.