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Erectile dysfunction affects around 30 million males in the United States alone, according to the American Urological Association. It’s a condition that, on top of impacting men’s ability to engage in sexual activity, also brings emotional difficulties such as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, which can further affect healthy sexual function. It goes without saying that, aside from all the personal struggles that men go through, ED also brings about a slew of challenges to their relationships.
As always, when it comes to problems in a relationship, communication is key to reaching a shared understanding of the issue and finding a mutual solution to it. But how should you go about discussing your erectile dysfunction with your partner in the first place? This article will delve into the type of communication about erectile dysfunction that fosters empathy, intimacy, and hope.
Understanding Erectile Dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a common condition that affects a man’s ability to achieve and/or maintain an erection firm or sufficient enough for sexual intercourse or sexual performance. It is a complex sexual problem and issue that can be caused by one or a combination of physical, psychological, and emotional factors. Identifying and understanding the underlying causes of ED in a patient is often the first crucial step doctors take towards effective treatment and management of erectile dysfunction. Recognizing that ED is, in fact, not just a physical problem but a problem that can be influenced by mental and emotional health, couples can approach the issue with a more comprehensive and empathetic mindset.
Causes and Risk Factors of ED
ED is a multifaceted condition that can be caused by a variety of factors. Physical conditions that are common culprits include heart disease, diabetes, and high blood pressure. When it comes to psychological factors, anxiety, depression, stress, and performance anxiety, can also play a significant role. Lifestyle choices can also further increase the risk of developing ED, namely smoking, obesity, excessive alcohol consumption, and lack of exercise. In addition, certain medical treatments and medications can also have side effects that contribute to ED. Assessing and understanding these diverse causes can greatly help couples identify potential risk factors to seek appropriate treatment.
Understanding the Impact of Erectile Dysfunction on Relationships
There can be a great deal of initial confusion after male sexual dysfunction, such as erectile dysfunction (ED), has become apparent. People can even become upset the first couple of times, as the man will probably feel ashamed and worried about his overall health and his sex life, while his partner might even feel concerned that their partner is no longer attracted to them. Both of these inner turmoils can make it hard for both to properly voice their feelings to each other.
For the men affected with ED, guilt is not an uncommon feeling after the fact, as is embarrassment. They may also feel like they’re “less manly” because of their inability to perform sexually, regardless of their age; the common perception is that their female partners will think less of them or even mock them for it. This makes it less likely for men to initiate a conversation about their struggle with ED and even to be in denial about it.
Partners of a man suffering from erectile dysfunction might feel uncertain talking about it or consider it inappropriate to do so if the man doesn’t address it first. On top of that, the fact that the man is incapable of performing sexually might stir their own feelings of insecurity or inadequacy, and this misconception can cloud their judgment or feelings on the matter.
The psychological effects caused by ED on both the man and his partner described above can create an unspoken rift between them, causing or exacerbating other relationship problems in its wake. The best way to move forward past the initial frustration and towards an empathetic conversation is, of course, open communication.
You and your partner have to embrace your shared fears about ED and how it might affect the relationship, plan accordingly, and act on the basis of understanding instead of playing the blame game.
Starting The Conversation About Erectile Dysfunction With Your Partner
It’s important to remember that, despite open communication being the goal, there’s a particular importance to the “open” part. An open conversation doesn’t mean going off on how a problem makes us feel insecure without any regard or care for the other person’s feelings. Erectile dysfunction is a delicate, personal and sensitive topic that affects both partners, so respect for each other’s space is vital.
There has to be a plan, especially if one or both partners in the relationship have a history of trauma relating to sex, self-esteem, body image, or others. The ties between ED and shame, guilt, and mental stress have to be acknowledged beforehand so that the main issue is treated with care instead of being avoided. Communication about ED is crucial, as it can encourage men to seek treatment with the support and understanding of their partners.
To break the ice on the topic of ED in a relationship, you and your partner can do the following:
De-stigmatize ED
It’s a commonly cited pop-sci factoid that men are more “solution-oriented” than women, so it might be tempting for some to adopt this attitude when it comes to erectile dysfunction.
However, while there are solutions available, it’s very important to acknowledge why you’re looking for a solution. ED is not a ticking time bomb that will end your relationship if you don’t solve it as soon as possible.
Any ED-related conversation between you and your partner has to come from a place of mutual understanding about the myths of ED: The man suffering from ED is no less of a man by any degree of logic, and their partner is equally no less attractive or responsible for the problem.
Also, ED does not have a single root cause since it can affect men with very different lifestyles for very different reasons, some physical and some psychological, including factors related to sexual arousal.
Rebuild Your Intimacy Together
ED affects physical intimacy, but it (and, more specifically, penetration) is not the end-all-be-all of intimacy itself. While looking for a solution with a certified professional is absolutely a good course of action, you and your partner can explore new avenues of intimacy and romantic connection. Intimacy can have many faces, so open up your mind to new experiences with your partner while you recover from one of them. Effective sexual communication is critical for maintaining and enhancing sexual desire in relationships.
If you and your partner share a love for an activity or experience, that’s the best place to start.
Whether it’s exercise, cultural activities, playing music, cooking, or even non-penetrative sexual play, these can spark intimacy between partners as long as you’re both open, supportive, and communicative.
Go Through The ED Treatment Journey Together
It can be truly liberating if both you and your partner research and learn more about erectile dysfunction’s causes and potential treatment options together. Instead of staying silent on the issue and researching independently from each other, which can lead to clashing down the line, you both can communicate and agree on a treatment for erectile dysfunction that feels right for your relationship.
Choosing an ED treatment will probably involve some visits to the doctor, so make those visits a shared activity to increase the chance of finding a successful treatment. This can show your partner that you want to be involved instead of just being a spectator (which can cause stress for both). Still, remember that a doctor’s appointment is ultimately a personal issue, so if the partner who suffers from ED chooses to see the doctor on his own, it’s good that the other person respects his wishes and finds other ways to make him feel supported.
Create Your Own Conversation Rituals
As we’ve stated many times throughout this article, keeping a constant line of open communication between you and your sexual partner is vital when dealing with ED. Even if you’re already receiving medical treatment for erectile dysfunction, it’s important that you never stop communicating since it can be the bedrock for your intimacy and romantic closeness in the future, especially as you age together.
To make it easier for you both to keep the conversation going indefinitely, you can create your own little “rituals” to communicate. It can really be anything that makes you and your partner more comfortable with being open about your feelings; you could agree to talk about sensitive things while taking a stroll through nature or turning off all the lights while sharing your favorite drink. It can also happen after doing a shared activity that you both love to take the edge off first.
Seek Professional Help
Seeking professional help is essential for effectively managing and treating erectile dysfunction. With the help of your healthcare provider or a trusted local urologist or, any underlying medical or health conditions that are either causing or contributing to your ED will be identified, and with that an appropriate treatment plan will be developed to address these issues. A therapist, on the other hand, can help address psychological or emotional factors such as anxiety or depression that may be contributing to your erectile dysfunction. And finally, a sex therapist can assist with any sexual difficulties or concerns affecting a person’s sexual relationship. By seeking professional help, couples can access the medical advice, support and resources they need to navigate the challenges of ED together.
Contact the Experts at Boston Medical Group
Dealing with erectile dysfunction on your own is challenging enough, but adding your partner to the mix can make it feel like a terrifying ordeal. It’s important to always remember that ED is not the end of sexual intimacy with your partner and that there’s always the option for treatment.
For a more comprehensive and professional outlook on sexual problems or sexual health issues, don’t hesitate to contact us at Boston Medical Group. We offer many safe, effective, and innovative ED treatments using state-of-the-art technology and medication.
