Relationship And Sex
Don’t Ignore the Foreplay
There’s no arguing that “quickie sex” can be arousing, exciting and satisfying. It’s good for when passions override all thought and desire wins. However, most women will agree that the best sexual encounters occur when a man knows and understands the importance of foreplay.
Foreplay is defined as “a set of intimate psychological and physical acts between two or more people meant to create and increase sexual arousal.” Unfortunately, there’s no instruction manual for this “act.” Foreplay is not just a case of pushing the right buttons in the right order. It’s actually a bit more complicated and you need to understand what turns your partner on and that necessarily won’t be the same thing day to day – and it certainly won’t be the same woman to woman.
What’s great about foreplay is that it ensures both partners are ready for the main act – sex. A good session of foreplay will guarantee that your lady is ready, willing and excited. Her inhibitions will be lowered and her comfort level will increase; but most importantly, her body will prepare itself for the penetration.
During foreplay, a woman’s clitoris will become erect, her cervix will rise up to the occasion and elongate the vaginal canal (this makes room for you), and her vagina will become lubricated. This preparation means when you “head in,” it’s more comfortable for you and enjoyable for her. You wouldn’t go down a water slide if it wasn’t wet, right? The famous sex researcher Dr. Alfred Kinsey once said that an orgasm “can be likened to the crescendo, climax, and sudden stillness achieved by an orchestra of human emotions … an explosion of tensions, and to sneezing.”
Fact is, most women need this stimulation in order to reach an orgasm. During an orgasm, the “pleasure center” of the brain lights up. The “pleasure center” reinforces that something is enjoyable and desirable. This area of the brain also turns on the “reward circuit.” The “reward circuit” includes all kinds of pleasure: sex, laughter, and even certain kinds of drug use. In the late 1990s and the mid-2000s, a team of scientists at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands conducted several studies of both men and women to determine brain activity during sexual stimulation. The team used PET scans to illustrate the different areas of the brain that would light up and shut off during sexual activity. In all of the tests, the subjects were scanned while resting, while being sexually stimulated and while having an orgasm.
Interestingly, they discovered that there aren’t too many differences between men’s and women’s brains when it comes to sex. In both, the brain region behind the left eye, called the lateral orbitofrontal cortex, shuts down during orgasm. Janniko R. Georgiadis, one of the researchers, said, “It’s the seat of reason and behavioral control. But when you have an orgasm, you lose control.”
If you put in the hard work during the early stages, you’ll both be satisfied in the end. If you ask most women, foreplay is the best part of the lovemaking process; it makes it easier for them to reach an orgasm with you. However, foreplay isn’t just for the ladies. Men, you might notice, that as you get older, it takes a little longer for the trouser snake to rise up to the occasion. Foreplay helps get the blood pumping to all the right places and it also heightens your desire for sex. This also increases the quality of your sex. Just don’t get carried and “peak” too soon.
When it comes to foreplay, it’s important to understand two things: men tend to get stimulation in a visual form and for women, sex begins in their brains. What does this mean? You shouldn’t head straight for her genitals. If you’re unsure, an honest and caring conversation is a good start. Letting her know that she’s wanted for more than just sex and that you care about her while slowing stroking and massaging her will help you begin the process of foreplay. As her body responds to your urges, she will begin to open up and respond.
“Foreplay is crucial for good sex. It’s not just an old wives’ tale that foreplay is something that people should spend more time doing,” says Debby Herbenick, PhD, MPH, associate director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University, in Bloomington. Foreplay isn’t something to be rushed. There’s a reason why most people call it an art. If you’re unsure of where to start, begin with kissing and a bit of dirty talk and slowly feeling each other’s bodies to see what triggers a response.
In the long term, foreplay will help you maintain a long term relationship and also guarantee sexual satisfaction for both partners. It will also help you both remain emotionally and physically connected meaning even better sex down the road. Overall, it’s a win/win for both partners so don’t ignore the foreplay.
Why Do Men Cheat on Beautiful Women?
You might be sitting there thinking to yourself: he’s got a good thing, why stray? The reasoning isn’t always that simple. Just because a woman is beautiful doesn’t guarantee a man will remain faithful. It also doesn’t excuse his infidelity but let’s take a look at reasons why men might cheat on their beautiful significant others.
She’s too good: Plain and simple. The pressure to live up to a great and gorgeous woman can be too much for any guy to handle. It doesn’t excuse his behavior but perhaps he thinks he can’t compete. So what does he look for? Someone more like him, someone more at his level, and someone he doesn’t have to measure up to. This is a personal problem and has nothing to do with the woman he’s with so women shouldn’t feel bad for being “too good.”
She’s self-absorbed: Chances are the beautiful woman you’re with knows she’s beautiful and that’s all she’s focused on – her beauty. This self absorbed behavior might also make her shallow or less intelligent. A man might cheat because he’s looking for attention and someone he can talk to.
‘He’s bored: After a while, there’s a comfort level that develops in a relationship and/or marriage and the guy wants something more. Instead of conveying this message to his partner, he seeks it out in someone else.
No Drama: After a while, some relationships can get complicated. Sometimes a man just wants a mindless romp, no strings attached. This is more of an escape from the problem instead of addressing it head on and dealing with what’s going on at home.
He’s insecure: This goes back to “she’s too good.” If he’s worried about her sleeping around, he may convince himself that she’s cheating on him or not worthy of her. So to get over this fear, he may cheat even though she is not.
She’s insecure: Some beautiful women are constantly worried about their looks and bodies. They’re always watching what they’re eating, spending endless hours at the gym and worried about how their clothing will fit. All this worrying and obsession leaves less time for a relationship and this is another self absorbed behavior that led a man to cheat.
Peer pressure: Some guys think it’s cool to cheat or their buddies are cheating so to fit in and be part of the crowd, a guy cheats.
Temptation: Women get hit on every day and if it’s happening in his presence he may get upset and feel the pressure to cheat, even if she’s ignoring all advances and remaining faithful. If he gets the same attention, he may feel inclined to return it.
She’s busy: If she’s beautiful and successful, she might not have time for her boyfriend/husband. Busy also means intimate time may lapse and this might lead a man to seek attention somewhere else or to help him get release.
Fear of loneliness: Deep down inside he might want to break it off but he can’t because he’s scared or afraid of losing her therefore he wants to have his cake and eat it too.
He doesn’t think he’ll get caught:
This one is plain and simple. “She’ll never find out, so why not?”
Fact is: she usually does (Don’ be the guy caught on Ryan’s Roses).
Being in a relationship isn’t easy. It takes hard work to be committed, be involved and remain faithful. Cheating doesn’t make anything better or resolve any current problems. In fact, it usually makes things worse and could end an otherwise great relationship like those of Halle Berry, Sandra Bullock and Elizabeth Hurley. The best course of action before resorting to cheating is to talk to your partner, seek therapy, take a break, or admit that you need to move on and see other people.
Is the Kama Sutra more than just a “bible of sex?”
Considered the “bible of sex” or the “book of love,” the Kama Sutra (also known as Kama Shastra) is one of three ancient texts written in the Sanskrit language that describe the permissible goals in life. It is devoted to the pursuit of kama. Kama is the Hindu God of love (also meaning desire) and Sutra means narrative or guide.
Historians believe that the Kama Sutra was written somewhere between 400 BC and 200 BC. According to tradition, the companion of Shiva, Nandi, who overheard the God making love to his wife Parvati was inspired to write the Kama Sutra. In reality, the Kama Sutra is the work (compiled from earlier writings) of Hindu philosopher, Vatsyayana, who is believed to have lived in the 3rd century. His interest in human sexual behavior as a medium of attaining spirituality became the inspiration for his treatise- the Kama Sutra.
The Kama Sutra is widely known as a semi-pornographic work of erotica, however this is not the sole topic of its content. The acts of love and sexual congress are divided in eight different methods, each of which may be performed in one of eight different positions. Therefore, there are 64 different acts of love depicted within the Kama Sutra. Aside from sex, topics of heterosexuality and homosexuality are also addressed, as well as female satisfaction. These sections within the Kama Sutra are to help strengthen the bond between both partners.
Although, most people turn to the Kama Sutra for the various sex positions depicted, it also features sections on how to provide pleasure to your partner, how to attract a spouse, how to be a good spouse, and other self help topics. There is also a chapter on courtesans – how to make money, how to behave, and how to be a good mistress.
According to Indian philosophy, the Kama Sutra maintains the four main principles of life (known as purusharthas in Hindi). These four principles are:
Dharma – virtuous living
Artha – material prosperity
Kama: aesthetic and erotic pleasure
Moksha – liberation
“Dharma is better than Artha, and Artha is better than Kama. But Artha should always be first practised by the king for the livelihood of men is to be obtained from it only. Again, Kama being the occupation of public women, they should prefer it to the other two, and these are exceptions to the general rule.”—Kama Sutra
Of the first three philosophies, virtue is the highest goal, a secure life the second, and pleasure the least important. When motives conflict, the higher ideal is followed. Thus, when making money, virtue must not be compromised, but earning a living should take precedence over pleasure. Furthermore, the Kama Sutra teaches its disciples that a person should learn how to make a living and that youth is the time for pleasure and as years pass, one should concentrate on living virtuously and hope to escape the cycle of rebirth.
In 1883, the Kama Sutra was translated to English by renowned orientalist and author Sir Richard Francis Burton and that is the version widely circulated today. In the introduction to her own translation, Wendy Doniger, professor of the history of religions at the University of Chicago, writes that Burton “managed to get a rough approximation of the text published in English in 1883, nasty bits and all.” The philologist and Sanskritist Professor Chlodwig Werba, of the Institute of Indology at the University of Vienna, regards the 1883 translation as being second only in accuracy to the academic German-Latin text published by Richard Schmidt in 1897.
Although many consider the Kama Sutra to simply be a manual of various sexual positions, at its core, it remains a book of living, about finding a partner, and maintaining power in marriage. It can also be considered a guide toward sexual fantasy and satisfaction.
Ejaculation Issues?
Ejaculation is a touchy subject in our culture, so it’s no surprise that premature ejaculation is as well. In fact, premature ejaculation often falls into the deep abyss of the unspoken — and how are we supposed to learn about it if we can’t talk about it? The word has been used for centuries.*
Being as hush-hush as it is, it comes as no surprise that most people don’t know much about the types of ejaculation. There are three main types of ejaculation; premature, delayed and retrograde. Premature ejaculation is among the most bothersome and according to sociologist Edward Laumann, PhD, it is estimated that a third of men in America complain that they ejaculate too quickly.
Delayed ejaculation, however, is prevalent in far fewer men than premature ejaculation. An estimated 3% of men experience delayed ejaculation. Delayed ejaculation is less prominent because many men “give up” before ejaculation occurs. Delayed ejaculation can be caused by a number of things, namely: antidepressants. Anti-depressants cause nerve endings in the penis to become less sensitive and therefore resulting in a delayed orgasm.
Retrograde ejaculation, like delayed ejaculation, can also be caused by anti-depressants as well as antipsychotic medications and is most prevalent in individuals suffering from diabetes and nerve damage. Retrograde ejaculation causes the semen to withdraw back into the bladder during an orgasm instead of being released. Because the semen is not released until urination, there are known complication when trying to conceive.
If you suffer from any of these, chances are you’re fed up. You’re not the only one. Boston Medical Group physicians have helped thousands of men confront and find solutions for ejaculation issues.
*Word Origin: 1570-80; < Latin ējaculātus (past participle of ējaculārī) shot out, equivalent to ē- e-1+ jacul(um) javelin ( jac(ere) to throw + -ulum -ule ) + -ātus -ate1
