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Relationship And Sex

Sexual Dysfunction. The Blame Game.

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Every relationship has its ups and downs. But when it comes to sexual matters, what’s up and what’s down can be a problem, both figuratively and literally. This is especially true if erectile dysfunction enters the picture.

Sure, partners can disagree or blame each other for all sorts of problems they encounter, including matters large and small. But loving bonds can sometimes be stretched to the breaking point when it comes to bedroom issues.

Relationships that work best are those in which couples can search for solutions together. Often that entails facing facts that might be difficult to confront. Who is to blame for the flame that flickers or worse that’s been extinguished? Is the romance gone cold? Or is it simply a physical thing.

Can sexual dysfunction be fixed? If it’s E.D., treatment options abound.

What About Sex Therapy?

 “Sex therapy can help some couples, married or dating, address sexual problems together. ED can often be the reason why sex stops in a relationship, causing stress to the relationship or marriage — sex therapy can help with this. ED is usually physical in nature but about 10-15% of cases can be emotionally/psychologically  based.

Sex therapy attempts to understand the couple’s relationship dynamics and sexual script both as a couple and individually, explains Dr. Raymond Zakhari, a psychiatric nurse practitioner in NYC who specializes in sex therapy and men’s health.”

“Sex therapy can help couples:

  • Identify the root causes of ED, alleviating confusion and concern.
  • Understand what works for each partner’s arousal preferences and needs.
  • Improve communication around sex and how they talk about sex as a couple.
  • Learn breathing exercises, relaxation techniques, and/or sexual anatomy.
  • Change how you show desire and affection, beyond sex.”

“Sex therapy for ED may (or may not) include:

  • Investigating body-mind ‘connectedness’ and ‘interoceptive’ awareness
  • Cultivating mind/body skills to manage anxiety and source inside of oneself (and between experiences created with a partner) for arousal and ejaculatory control
  • Evaluating if one is depending on being a viewer of erotic sources for sexual arousal, like pornography
  • Increasing understanding if masturbation habits that shape sexual arousal may not be conducive to arousal or functioning with a partner
  • Assessing whether one is viewing sexuality as a “performance” and is very orgasm-focused, rather than an embodied experience where arousal and erections are free to ebb, flow, wax or wane
  • Identifying relational communication problems.” *

It Takes Two.

“It’s always “someone’s fault” when couples argue – perhaps that’s why arguments begin in the first place. One blames the other for something, the other disagrees and things escalate from there. Add a sex-related issue to the mix and it quickly becomes an emotional situation.

When a relationship is affected by erectile dysfunction it’s easy to wonder whose fault it is; who is to blame for an organ that simply won’t perform, or a sex life that isn’t satisfying?

Erectile dysfunction is thought to be the cause of break ups in around a significant proportion of relationships. Here we explore the concept of blame and how to overcome it.”

Don’t Blame Yourself

“Few things are worse for your self-esteem than realizing you cannot get or maintain an erection. The first hurdle is to avoid blaming yourself.

Just about one third of men seek help or advice when suffering from ED, but you don’t have to be part of the minority. A medical examination can help get to the root of the issue, so before you try to self-diagnose or blame yourself, why not get help?

Your GP can interview you and order testing to help find the root cause of your ED. If recommended, you may need to go for a psychological evaluation as well. Erectile dysfunction can be caused by a combination of factors. Even psychological ED often has an underlying physical cause.

You will want to consider whether you have any habits that could affect your ability to achieve or maintain an erection. Smoking, drinking and illegal drugs are among the factors that can have a detrimental effect on blood flow to the penis.”

It’s not your partner’s fault

“Before receiving a proper diagnosis, some men blame their partners for their inability to perform. Without the right knowledge of possible causes, it can be easy to jump to the conclusion that you’re just not interested in that person anymore; or they are not doing the right things. However, if you still feel attracted and connected to your partner, you can safely assume that lack of interest is not the cause of your ED.

The way your penis responds during intimacy is not a compass for your desire. If you are happy to engage in sexual relations with the person but are unable to achieve an erection, it will be for another reason.” **

Basically, if anyone is to blame, it might just be Mother Nature. About 90% of cases of ED are caused by physical factors, classified as vascular (related to blood flow) and non-vascular diseases. It is estimated that 70% of all ED cases may be attributable to vascular diseases alone.

E.D. is highly age-dependent, as the combined prevalence of moderate to complete erectile dysfunction rises from approximately 22% at age 40, to 49% by age 70. Although less common in younger men, erectile dysfunction still affects 5%-10% of men below the age of 40.

ED is more than just a sexual problem. A fulfilling sex life can lead to greater satisfaction in many other aspects of life, including social, family and work environments.

 

* https://blog.zencare.co/sex-therapy-for-erectile-dysfunction

** https://www.doctorfox.co.uk/news/avoiding-blame-with-erectile-dysfunction

Take the Low Testosterone Quiz

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Answer a few simple questions to get a better gauge of where your testosterone levels are at.

Cannabis. The Can-do Aphrodisiac?

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Marijuana has been likened to a “cure-all” for innumerable maladies. And indeed, studies abound regarding its healing properties.* But it’s long been known to pot aficionados that one of its primary benefits is how it induces a more gratifying experience during sexual intercourse.

Is Pot the high-way to Happiness?

“According to a research study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine (JSM), entitled the Association Between Marijuana Use and Sexual Frequency in the United States: A Population-Based Study, the goal of the study was, “To elucidate whether a relation between marijuana use and sexual frequency exists using a nationally representative sample of reproductive-age men and women.”

“The analysis represented 28,176 women and 22,943 men nationwide who were surveyed by the Center for Disease Control (CDC) via a questionnaire. The CDC’s broad, all-encompassing survey is often utilized by researchers as a basis for further, more specific analysis.”**

Since marijuana has been illegal under Federal Law – indeed it has been categorized as a Schedule 1 “drug” as is heroin – few scientific studies have been conducted (or even allowed). Other countries have filled in the void, including Israel.*

Euphoria? You be the Judge.

In general, anecdotal evidence, such as wide-spread word-of-mouth (so to speak), including social media reports, validate the supposition – namely, people with a buzz tend to enjoy sensual experiences with a greater degree of satisfaction. Simply stated, cannabis, acts as a sex aid for many participants. Unlike alcohol, which can have the opposite effect when consumed to a deleterious level, pot increases sexual pleasure with few negative side effects – not withstanding an appetite for the munchies.

Orgasmically Organic.

“Your body’s natural endocannabinoid system is key in regulating things like pleasure, pain, relaxation, and homeostasis. When it is activated by the cannabinoids in cannabis, it can leave users feeling relaxed with increased pleasure and decreased pain. This can lead to increased arousal and make sex even more enjoyable.” ***

Several years ago, a survey was conducted with “responses of 373 participants (the majority of whom were straight, white women) who all sought care at a specific OB/GYN practice between March 2016 and February 2017. The survey included questions about overall sexual activity—including how satisfied they were with their current sex life, drive, orgasms and lubrication. The survey also asked whether or not they used marijuana, if they used prior to having sex and how frequently they partook.”
“Of the sample, 176 women said they use cannabis. Among those who reported using marijuana before sex, 68.5 percent stated that the overall sexual experience was more pleasurable, 60.6 percent noted an increase in sex drive, and 52.8 percent reported an increase in satisfying orgasms…”****

Turn on and Tune in to your Body

CNN reports: “People who use marijuana may have more sex because they put less pressure on themselves when they are high, so they don’t have the same performance anxiety as those who are sober,” suggested sex therapist Amanda Pasciucco, who practices in Connecticut, where medical use is legal. “A small amount of marijuana may also help increase your ability to communicate your preferences to your partner.”

“Sex therapist Lawrence Siegel noted that in particular, delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol — the cannabinoid THC — appears to target a part of our brain associated with sexual arousal…”

It’s no surprise that weed usage is so popular. According to the United Nations, 158.8 million people around the world use marijuana—more than 3.8% of the planet’s population. Pew Research reports: “A majority of Americans support marijuana legalization. About six-in-ten Americans (62%) say the use of marijuana should be legalized, according to a fall 2018 survey.”

* https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2015/06/marijuana-science-drug-research-legality/

**https://www.forbes.com/sites/sarabrittanysomerset/2018/09/10/new-studies-show-that-marijuana-enhances-and-increases-sex/#7bfc4efa29d2

*** https://www.greenstate.com/explained/marijuana-aphrodisiac-can-used-sex-aid/

**** https://www.marijuanamoment.net/marijuana-use-before-sex-leads-to-more-satisfying-orgasms-study-finds/

T is for Libido

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The dictionary definition of libido is “the energy of the sexual drive as a component of the life instinct.”

If you’ve been experiencing a lower sex drive, you might be feeling concern, or even guilt about how it’s affecting you and your relationship with your partner. Worse, it could be causing you to feel depressed and even feel a loss of a zest for life.

What’s more, you might also be suffering from erectile dysfunction, or E.D. Though this condition is not always connected to a lower libido, the two often co-exist.

A lower libido can be caused by medications, depression, chronic illness, or stress… but especially, the cause could be a low testosterone level – commonly known as Low T.

Low testosterone (hypogonadism) usually happens with age. But it can also affect younger men for various reasons. Testosterone, the male hormone that is essential for the development of strength, also boosts sex drive – or libido.

Virility vs. Vitality

Men of all ages are universally challenged by society and also themselves by varying degrees of “manliness.”

Remember, testosterone is the primary male sex hormone that plays a key role in the development of male reproductive tissues such as testes and prostate. As such, it promotes increased muscle and bone mass, and the growth of body hair. In addition, testosterone is involved in general health and well-being.

About 4 out of 10 men over age 45 have low testosterone. For men with low T levels, replacement therapy is a common solution to the problem.

Oral testosterone is available. However, some experts believe oral testosterone can have negative effects on the liver. Using other methods, such as skin patches, gels, orally disintegrating tablets, or injections, bypasses the liver and get testosterone into the blood directly.

Replacing Nature Naturally

Testosterone adapts to your body’s needs. Stay active. Your body gets the message that you need more of the testosterone hormone and will produce more.

  • Walk briskly at least 10 to 20 minutes a day.
  • Building strength with several sessions of weights or elastic bands each week.
  • Work with a trainer to learn proper form so you don’t injure yourself.

The vast majority of prescription testosterone (cream, gel, injectable, patch, subcutaneous, etc.) is derived from plant sources such as soybeans and yams. Soybeans and yams are natural substances that are put through a chemical synthesis in a laboratory setting to derive the end product of testosterone.

When needed, testosterone restoration treatment affects every man differently. But most report improvement in energy level, sex drive, and quality of erections. Testosterone can increase bone density and muscle mass. Men report positive mood shifts after testosterone replacement.

“Karen Herbst, MD, PhD, an endocrinologist at University of California-San Diego, specializes in testosterone deficiency. She estimates about one in 10 men are ‘ecstatic’ about their response to testosterone therapy…” *

Studies have shown that testosterone replacement therapy may offer a wide range of benefits for men with hypogonadism, including improved libido, mood, cognition, muscle mass, bone density, and red blood cell production.

“It’s well established that testosterone by itself, for men with sexual dysfunction that includes erectile dysfunction, can improve erections in the majority of men who take it,” says Dr. Abraham Morgentaler,** an associate clinical professor of urology at Harvard-affiliated Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center.

 

* https://www.medscape.org/viewarticle/824046_2

** https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/a-harvard-expert-shares-his-thoughts-on-testosterone-replacement-therapy-2009031141

What Do Women Think About Penis Sizes?

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When it comes to what women think about penis size, a vast majority (84%) think their partner’s penis is fine, according to a study from UCLA and Cal State LA. Only about 14% of women wished their partner has a large penis, and 2% actually wanted a small penis (read more about how to measure your penis).

More illuminating is the fact that women feel more satisfied than men about the size of penises. In almost every circumstance, men rated their penises as smaller than what women would rate it.

In this day and age of conversations about masculinity and a man’s role in the world, family and in a relationship, these questions about a key component of the male identity are understandable.

For a lot of men, their average penis size is a determining factor in how to feel about themselves as the male component in any healthy relationship. And being in a healthy relationship is itself a key component in being a happy person. So, “Does penis size matter?” is a question many men have as a consequence of this.

“Being with a well-endowed man isn’t always
the joyride a woman thinks it’s going to be.”
–
Natasha Ivanovic for LovePanky

Click here for the complete article on Penis Size

The ED & Low-T Experts